July 1, 2008
Do you ever feel like you just can't do anything right? Like no matter what decision you make it'll be the wrong one. There are pros and cons to both sides but you have to decide if the pros will be enough for the cons. Will it be worth it?...How do we know? And once we know, where do we get the courage to go after what we want? Our hopes and our dreams are only an arms length away. But how do we get the courage to reach out and touch it? When are we going to be brave enough to wrap our fingers around it and never let go. I thought I was close, but I wasn't. Someday I'll figure it out. And when I do, I'll hold on tight and never let go.
I wrote that 2 and half years ago in a notebook I kept. I think that was pretty wise for my not even 16 year old self. I have changed a lot since I wrote this, but some things remain the same. I still question the decisions I make. I still wonder if I am brave enough to go after what I really want. I am still trying to figure it out. I still want to find it, whatever it is, hold on tight and never let go.
The 'it' I am referring to is love. How do you know what love is real? And where do you find it in the first place? I am searching for it, praying that God will help me find it (sooner rather than later).
Recently, I have thought of this great love I will never let go of, as my future home. It is my Solla Sollew. I have a picture in my mind of how I think it should be. Everybody else has thrown in their 2 cents on how they think it should be, but I am sure it is going to be a surprise. That seems to be the way God likes to do things in my life. I know that when it happens though, I'll know. And when I know, I will never let go. I will stay in my Solla Sollew forever.
I've had so much trouble finding my way there. When I get close, it disappears. If I can get there I'm going to stay there. If it takes me miles. If it takes me years...Sooner or later I'll find it. Sooner or later I will be home, in Solla Sollew. With you.
Song of the Moment: Sollaw Sollew by the Cast of Seussical the Musical. (I'll be home with you) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0U4MUG-twtU
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12
Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Love
There is one thing that most girls dream about from a very young age: Their wedding day. As you get older and closer to it it becomes so much larger in your brain. You think about it more and more seriously. This all comes from one thing though, falling in love.
1 Corinthians 13 is an amazing chapter. All of it, I love it. But, for me, verses 4 through 7 "hit home" the best with The Message translation.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Those last five lines get to me every time: "Puts up with anythings, trusts God always, looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end."
Recently, I have learned a lot about love. What it takes. That it isn't just sunshine and butterflies. It is hard work. It involves frustration and commitment and sacrifice. It can hurt you and make you feel on top of the world. It makes you weak in the knees and headstrong. It changes your life in a second.
If there is anything I want in life, it is a deep love. First, with God. And second with the man that God places in my life, whenever He places him in my life. I want the deep love you can see in people's eyes after years of marriage. The kind of love where you fall in love deeper and deeper everyday, even after being married for 20, 30, 40 years.
Until this love comes for me, I am perfectly happy where God has placed me. I will remain happily single until God gives me the green light for that boy. Whether he be "the one" or just another life-changing relationship. Until that day comes, I will pray everyday that I don't become a bitter, depressed, lonely woman. Although, He does already know that all I want for Christmas....is you.
Song of the Moment: Love Never Fails by Brandon Heath (This song is beautiful. Just beautiful. I have been listening to it for weeks just waiting for it to spark a blog and hear we are today. You should listen to it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nQy-aP_Koo)
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12
1 Corinthians 13 is an amazing chapter. All of it, I love it. But, for me, verses 4 through 7 "hit home" the best with The Message translation.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Those last five lines get to me every time: "Puts up with anythings, trusts God always, looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end."
Recently, I have learned a lot about love. What it takes. That it isn't just sunshine and butterflies. It is hard work. It involves frustration and commitment and sacrifice. It can hurt you and make you feel on top of the world. It makes you weak in the knees and headstrong. It changes your life in a second.
If there is anything I want in life, it is a deep love. First, with God. And second with the man that God places in my life, whenever He places him in my life. I want the deep love you can see in people's eyes after years of marriage. The kind of love where you fall in love deeper and deeper everyday, even after being married for 20, 30, 40 years.
Until this love comes for me, I am perfectly happy where God has placed me. I will remain happily single until God gives me the green light for that boy. Whether he be "the one" or just another life-changing relationship. Until that day comes, I will pray everyday that I don't become a bitter, depressed, lonely woman. Although, He does already know that all I want for Christmas....is you.
Song of the Moment: Love Never Fails by Brandon Heath (This song is beautiful. Just beautiful. I have been listening to it for weeks just waiting for it to spark a blog and hear we are today. You should listen to it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nQy-aP_Koo)
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I'll Be Home...Someday
Tonight as I sat in the car on the way home from my little sister's Christmas program, watching the country fly past, Michael Buble's I'll Be Home For Christmas came on the radio. It was beautiful but it got me thinking.
They say that home is where the heart is. And so I sat there, watching the snow covered fields fly by, trying to figure out where home was. And more importantly, where my heart is. And the answer that I came up with is this: I really don't have any idea.
I know that God has his hands wrapped tight around my heart, but I'm just not sure where exactly. I'm still not sure where my life is going. As I prepare for one of the loneliest Christmases I have ever celebrated, I feel as if I am still just wandering trying to find the right direction to head in. I am a nomad wandering from place to place looking for somewhere warm to settle.
Someday, I know I will find the home my heart is looking for. Until then I'll be their only in my dreams and trusting God with everything in me. I know that someday I will be able to sing that song from Madeline "Home is where the heart, if your heart is there, it's home."
Song of the Moment: I'll Be Home For Christmas by Michael Buble (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t_forzHXzE)
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12
They say that home is where the heart is. And so I sat there, watching the snow covered fields fly by, trying to figure out where home was. And more importantly, where my heart is. And the answer that I came up with is this: I really don't have any idea.
I know that God has his hands wrapped tight around my heart, but I'm just not sure where exactly. I'm still not sure where my life is going. As I prepare for one of the loneliest Christmases I have ever celebrated, I feel as if I am still just wandering trying to find the right direction to head in. I am a nomad wandering from place to place looking for somewhere warm to settle.
Someday, I know I will find the home my heart is looking for. Until then I'll be their only in my dreams and trusting God with everything in me. I know that someday I will be able to sing that song from Madeline "Home is where the heart, if your heart is there, it's home."
Song of the Moment: I'll Be Home For Christmas by Michael Buble (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t_forzHXzE)
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
A Moment of Shame
Today was a great day: I finished my last exam, You've Got Mail was on TV when I came home from school, and I ate Kings Buffet for dinner...for Free!! Sounds like a pretty good day right? Well, those parts were, but my hearts still feels heavy. Heavy with sin.
Today as I sat at a table in school I watched something happen that I should not have watched. I wasn't participating, which I thought was good enough, but it wasn't. It was not good enough.
I came to my senses after about 1.5 hours. 1.5 hours too long. Someone else in my class came up to our table saw what was going on and walked away. About 5 minutes after that he came back, looked me in the eye and said "You know better than this. You shouldn't be sitting at this table. You should be running from evil."
It hit me like a freight train. Shame washed over me as I realized what I had been doing. I wasn't participating, but I wasn't saying why. I could have gotten up, made a bit of a scene to show people I thought, no, knew, it was wrong. I could have done something. And yet I did nothing. I did nothing. I just sat their in my shame and in my sin.
I may have come a long way so far in this journey I have been venturing the past 2 years, but I still have a lot farther to go. That is what I realized today. I pray that God will forgive me for what I did this afternoon and that next time, if it ever happens again, that He will give me strength to get up and walk away without caring what the others think. I pray that God would grant me strength in this world full of sin. I pray that next time, I will do more.
Song of the Moment: The Motions by Matthew West
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12
Today as I sat at a table in school I watched something happen that I should not have watched. I wasn't participating, which I thought was good enough, but it wasn't. It was not good enough.
I came to my senses after about 1.5 hours. 1.5 hours too long. Someone else in my class came up to our table saw what was going on and walked away. About 5 minutes after that he came back, looked me in the eye and said "You know better than this. You shouldn't be sitting at this table. You should be running from evil."
It hit me like a freight train. Shame washed over me as I realized what I had been doing. I wasn't participating, but I wasn't saying why. I could have gotten up, made a bit of a scene to show people I thought, no, knew, it was wrong. I could have done something. And yet I did nothing. I did nothing. I just sat their in my shame and in my sin.
I may have come a long way so far in this journey I have been venturing the past 2 years, but I still have a lot farther to go. That is what I realized today. I pray that God will forgive me for what I did this afternoon and that next time, if it ever happens again, that He will give me strength to get up and walk away without caring what the others think. I pray that God would grant me strength in this world full of sin. I pray that next time, I will do more.
Song of the Moment: The Motions by Matthew West
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The Final Update
Here we are. What would have been my 3 month update after my world "fell to pieces" as I described it a month ago. I told myself for as long as it hurt I would update on the "anniversary" of my pain. Well, guess what, I don't need to update you. I actually didn't feel anything was necessary after what I wrote on Monday.
Life is back on track. But, then again, maybe it was never off track in the first place. Those 3 months of sorrow and heartbreak brought me so much closer to God. They made me reach out and find a new place for myself. I am so glad that I did.
While my life is hectic and full of long days at the moment, I can't help but smile. I can't help but say I am fantastic. I can't help it. God has been so good to me. Too good to me. And yet here I am happy as a clam. Our God is an awesome God!
Song of the Moment: Our God by Chris Tomlin (LOVE this song)
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12
Life is back on track. But, then again, maybe it was never off track in the first place. Those 3 months of sorrow and heartbreak brought me so much closer to God. They made me reach out and find a new place for myself. I am so glad that I did.
While my life is hectic and full of long days at the moment, I can't help but smile. I can't help but say I am fantastic. I can't help it. God has been so good to me. Too good to me. And yet here I am happy as a clam. Our God is an awesome God!
Song of the Moment: Our God by Chris Tomlin (LOVE this song)
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12
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