Recently, something not good has happened. I don't want to say bad because I don't know that. And maybe it is good...it's just that hidden kind of good...it just doesn't seem like that yet.
My school is having troubles. The school that I've been attending for 12 years but have been at my entire life due to my older siblings. This school is my home. It is my family. And if it were to close (which I pray it doesn't) it will seem like someone has died. Which is quite the metaphor, I know. But when you've had these people around you for all of your life...and all of a sudden they're just gone...it's not the best.
On Sunday there was a meeting. In which, I cried twice and had tears in my eyes the rest of the time. People there didn't seem to get it. So many of them seemed to have no hope left. It seemed as if there were many who had given up. But I can assure you I will not give up.
It's been about 56 hours since the meeting. And I'm not better quite yet. I had to work right after the meeting on Sunday for 8 hours. The first thing I did when I got there was ask to be on coffee so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone...I made it 6 hours without interaction. I was still really upset Sunday when I got home. I showered, got in bed, and of course had a good cry. I don't know when I'll go to bed without a good cry. It'll probably take a long time.
I don't really like to talk about it...because when I talk about it, I get upset, and when I get upset I cry. I didn't want to go to school today because I thought everyone would be talking about it. There was little conversation on the topic (thank goodness)...or at least when I was around. I really haven't talked about it at all...because no one has asked.
It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears
That is an excerpt from a song I found Sunday afternoon. It's true. A part of me thinks that this is how I need to look at everything. Obviously God knows what He is doing. He has brought this school through it's problems and He can bring it through this. They've never been this bad...but I know that really bad things can turn into really amazing things. I am willing to wait and see what He will bring me. When one door closes another one opens. Just because a building is gone doesn't mean the school is gone too. Just because someone says something is going to happen doesn't mean it's going to happen. Don't believe everything you hear.
Now will be the time of gossip and rumours. I've done this before. I know how it goes. And I know I shouldn't listen to a word of it. And I know I won't be spreading a word of it either. I will be saying what I believe in. And I believe in my school. I believe that it will grow and prosper. I believe that God's hand has always been holding it keeping it safe. I believe that I will graduate from Christ Lutheran School. I believe that I will send my own children there. However, I believe that if God decides not to do any of this...I'll survive and that He has a bigger better plan.
I'm not giving up. I am surrendering myself to God's plan becaues that's all I can do. I encourage everyone to do the same thing.
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young.
1 Timothy 4:12
Song of the moment: Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly) by Sanctus Real....I encourage everyone to listen, and I mean really listen, to this song. Here's a link to it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06AgY5Xoavw
Music is what feelings sound like.....
