So for the past 4 or 5 days I've felt as if there has been a blog stuck inside of me. There's been moments when I've had a hit of inspiration but then lost it once it was time. And this feeling is too overwhelming now. I know what I would like to say. I know what I'm thinking. It's just time to figure it all out.
So to begin. 3 nights ago I was laying in bed thinking. Thinking about things that have been said to me in the last week. Obviously the week has been filled with family gatherings. I've seen aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and friends. People I haven't seen in a while. And this time was different. They were all different. They were the same....but it was all just different.
Lately the swearing...the potty mouths have been bothering me. The inappropriate things that don't really need to be said or seen. The things that some find funny are not in the least. I've been mildly uncomfortable. And I've been saying things. You drop an F-bomb I say "excuse me?" or "What's that? You'll kick my ass? But I don't have a donkey." I've been trying to show my discomfort...show that I don't appreciate it....and don't really want to put up with it. I'm sorry but words like that aren't needed.
But I'm not here to talk about how people are stupid for saying/doing some of the things they say/do. I'm here because of what people say after I point these unnecessary things out to them. Things like "Beth, I know why you're changing." or "You're putting on quite the act tonight." I've been told I'm changing. But is that a terrible thing? Is it a terrible thing that I don't appreciate crap like this? Is this a bad thing? I know I've been raised with this stuff....but it's about time one of us realised what it is we're doing here. What exactly is inappropriate about this stuff.
I've slowly been trying to zone out some of this stuff. A month and a half ago I went through my iTunes playlist and deleted all but 2 songs with the F-bomb. And surprising there were quite a few. And i kept only 2 for their own reasons. The first because this song is so beautiful and magical that i can't get rid of it...the rest of it is soo good...if it wasn't for that one word it would be pure magic. The 2nd is so uplifting and powerful and has such meaning that that word is so low on the list. And it may sound stupid...and maybe it is....but I just can't bring myself to delete them. I've also been trying to watch less of the crap on TV. No more random episodes of South Park with my brother...or anything that's complete crap for that matter.
So yes, I've changed. But here is what I've been trying to say for this whole long crazy blog. It's not me changing FOR a person...it's me changing BECAUSE of a person. those are 2 very different things. No one is making me change. No one is making me do the things I'm doing. I'm not being held up at gun point here. I'm doing this because I want to. It's called having good influences. It's called hanging out with good people. Good friends.
I realised this on Tuesday night while I was in my bed praying. I've known that I've been changing....and I always knew it wasn't FOR a person. but I do know it is BECAUSE of a person. it is BECAUSE of people who have had a good influence on my life. I'm sorry that I don't want to swear anymore. I'm sorry that I don't want to watch inappropriate things anymore. I'm sorry that I won't listen to crap anymore. But I'm not sorry that I've been spending time with the people I've been spending time.
I encourage everyone who actually reads my blog to do the same. We need to give up on this crap now. we shouldn't be encouraging the behaviour that these people put on TV and on our iPods for entertainment.
Everybody has their flaws. Everybody has their problems. Those things that you think you need. But you don't. I know that if you tried you could fix your flaws. There's hope for everyone. I won't judge you for what you've done...that's not my job. That's God's. And I'm sure that He'll give you a 2nd and 3rd and 4th and a millionth chance. I have no doubt in my mind. All you have to do is ask for the chance.
Song of the moment: Hope For Every Fallen Man-Relient K......to pick themselves up when they think they can
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young.
1 Timothy 4:12
