If I Were King of the Forrrrest

About a week ago I wrote a blog that never got published. It has been sitting, saved, unwanted...until tonight.

I was sitting and thinking about what was going on and than realized what I had written just a week ago...and how perhaps I was wrong about a few points.

An exert:
.... I had everything I ever wanted and even then some. Not only that, but I was also a coward, I was clingy, and I was stupid.

Today I realized just how much I have changed in these past 8 months. I have made lots of new friends and done many new things. But most importantly, I found me. Me. Who I am and what I want and how I won’t compromise who I am for anybody else. Advice is nice and opinions are great, but in the end it will be me who decides what is best: me who captains this ship.

I have always said that I don’t care what people think and for the most part it has always been true. However, there were always exceptions, always buts. Not anymore. The Beth of the past is gone. The Beth of the present is here. And she is here to stay.

I said I was a coward. I wasn't a coward. I am a coward. I run away. I hide. I bottle it all up. It's who I have always been and will always be a part of who I am. I handle some situations in the worst possible ways. I just can't help myself though. I am scared. I am a coward.

It's true. There is a new Beth. I am quite different than I was 8 months ago as I said. But what I have come to realize tonight is that, while I have changed and grown in these past months and years, I will always carry the person I used to be and the traits that have made me who I am for so long. I can't just brush them off. I am who I am. Or as Popeye would say "I yam what I yam."

Lord, hear my cry, hear my heart.
Here I come to where you are
...Lord, though I'm weak, you are strong.
So I'll go back where I belong
...What good am I if I'm not taken?
And who am I without salvation?

Song of the Moment: 1) Who Says by Selena Gomez (at least this was the song for the unpublished blog) 2) Scared by Above The Golden State (as quoted above.)

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12