Fearless?

The other day I actually learned something in school. We were discussing what to do with problem behaviours when you are working with a group. One of those behaviours was anger and my teacher pointed out that underneath anger their is always fear.

I've been thinking about that: Under anger their is always fear. Lately I have had some anger, so I wonder, am I actually afraid? Am I using anger to cover up fears I may have in my life? I don't know. So I have decided to made a list:

Things Beth is afraid of:
1. Getting hurt. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am quite a wimp. Usually I am not afraid of whatever I am about to do, I am afraid of getting hurt while doing it.
2. Missing the bus. I always panic about not getting on my bus and then being late for whatever I am going to. If the sign says the bus will come at 12:14 and it's 12:17 I will start to freak out.
3. Ants. *shudder* They are disgusting. They crawl in your food and are just plain ugly. Gah...I hate them.
4. Dogs. I just don't like them. Actually, I really don't like holding or playing with any kind of furry pet-like animal. Someday I would like to have my very own fish though :)
5. Getting lost. I have a terrible sense of direction. And I'm not talking lost in an unknown city. It's even worse than lost in a grocery store. I am afraid of getting lost going to the bathroom or coming back while in a restaurant. It's just awful.
6. Telling people how I feel. This is something I have struggled with for a very long time. If something's wrong, I probably won't tell you and if I do it was definitely a terrifying experience for me. Why? I'm actually not 100% sure.
7. I am afraid I won't find my purpose in life. School is great and I am loving it, but what if it turns out to be wrong? Or what if I have gone into a profession that is completely opposite of whatever it is I am supposed to do?
8. Never getting married. All I've ever wanted is to get married and have my own family, but what happens if I never get it? What if God decides that just isn't right for me? What if I just completely miss my chance? What if all I have been living for in my life crumbles under my feet?

So, do my fears have anything to do with my anger? Yes. What an experiment that was. Fears 7 and 8 have really been getting to me lately. I've been holding in anger I should not be. I know I really shouldn't have fears about anything on that list. I know God will keep me from unnecessary harm. I know that in the end I'll end up wherever He wants me to be but it really gets to me. I am being impatient and silly, I know that. I'm 18, God willing I have a lot of life left to live.

Another fear I have: I am going to go back into that time of hurt, anger and confusion I was in 2 and half years ago. That difficult time in my life lasted about 7 months and it was awful. I don't want to feel like that again. I guess what I should be thinking about is how last time I was extremely happy for almost 2 years after that 7 month down. But honestly, I don't like those statistics. 24 good months after 7 bad ones?

I know I should have no fear. I should set them aside and just trust God in everything He is doing in my life. I should trust Him. I do trust Him. But it seems like I have a lot more trusting to do.

God, I know You will give me everything I need. I now that You have my best interest in mind when You do what You do in my life. I know that if I wait patiently You will give me the answers that I need. I ask that You would give me the gift of patience in this time of struggle. I ask that You would take this anger out of my heart. I ask that You will also remove the fears that are placed beside the anger. I pray that with Your help I can become fearless of everything this world throws at me. Amen.

Song of the Moment: Fearless by Colbie Callait (It's really not the right context as to where I took this blog...but I started with it so I'll finish with it.)

Don't let others look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12