You Think You're So Funny

You know, sometimes, God is pretty funny.  He works in mysterious ways...and has quite the sense of humour (in my opinion).  

This story begins on Sunday night.  I was getting ready for bed and having a conversation with God.  We were talking about my life and the boys gone and coming.  It seemed like that conversation was all I needed to keep me moving forward with strength and patience.  But He had more in store for me.  

On Sunday night I had a dream.  When I go back and think about it, it seems quite odd.  Funny, really.  But I guess dreams always are when you look back at them.  So, I am going to write my recollections of Monday morning (which I took the time to write down):
 
I was the host of a celebrity competition of some kind.  Brett Lawrie was one of those celebrities.  When not filming, we would often be found together.  
He was kind.  He was helpful.  He would bring me my glasses when we came inside.  
One afternoon, I couldn't find my glasses.  I realized the last person to have them was Brett, but he had gone home...to Alaska.  I rushed to his house and ended up in my own (but in Alaska).  I came in in a panic because a) I couldn't find my glasses and b) we were going to be filming soon and we had to make back all the way from Alaska.  I went to the drawer my mom keeps random things and found my old glasses.  They were no good.  Thankfully, Brett found my glasses.  I thanked him and he took hold of my hand and held it all the way back.  It was precious.  Unexpected.  I felt those butterflies in my stomach (even though I was dreaming). 
The dream went on.  The show continued.  And Brett was always by my side.  Giving me looks and being kind.  It was innocent.  It was beautiful.  
And then I woke up.

So, yes, I realize that all sounds quite absurd for many reasons.  But let me tell you what it meant to me:

1. This "relationship" was unexpected and unplanned.  It happened naturally.  Without games and broken hearts.  It just happened.  This is what God wants in relationships.  This is what I want.  

2. God chose  Brett Lawrie.  I don't know Brett Lawrie.  As far as I know the only things we have in common are that we are both Canadian and we wear the same number (Good ol' 13).  I recently heard that you can only dream about people you have seen in real life.  I've been watching a lot of Jays games lately so, I've seen him.  But I think God chose Brett Lawrie because the chances of me marrying (or even meeting) him are slim to none.  God knows my mind likes to run away from me sometimes, but with Brett, it won't.  He could have chosen any of the guys actually in my life but no, He chose Brett Lawrie.  Good one.  

So I spent all of Monday pondering this odd dream and what it meant.  Honestly, I knew from the moment I woke up that this was God telling me I've got a great story coming up in my life.  A story of love, innocence and unexpectedness.  I am willing to wait for this story.  My patience is renewed and stronger than ever.  

My time of no boys comes to an end in exactly 2 weeks.  But, in the past 11 months I have realized what life is really about.  And it's not about chasing after boys.  God will just bring them to me when the time is right.  So I'm done.  When I started this I imagined the boy of my dreams appearing right on my birthday (because obviously I deserve an award for my great obedience over the past year....not).  I'm so ready to wait and let God move the pieces of my life in their own time and place.  

The last moment of hilarity of this Monday.  All this thinking put me in one of my indescribable moods.  So, on the way home I opted to listen to my iPod in the car instead of the radio as per usual.  I was stuck in traffic for over an hour.  When I finally pulled into my driveway I took my iPod out and Brad Loveday was putting on the last song because he was late for dinner (as he always is).  The following was the final song.  Only God would keep me stuck in traffic for over an hour just so I can hear one song.  One song to wrap up my entire day and thought process.  God,  You are just hilarious.  

Song of the Moment: Your Hands by JJ Heller

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.  
1 Timothy 4:12

This Is Your Life

Recently, I've been reading a lot of nonfiction about purity, love, dating and not dating. I've been doing lots of learning and lots thinking. But, so far, this is the conclusion I have come to:

While I know that getting married and having a family is something I want in my life, being single is good too. For now. Singleness is definitely a blessing in disguise (to most people).

Just think about, when you're single, God can use you for a different variety of things. You can go anywhere, do anything, without having to plan someone else into your life. I think of my best friend who has already been in Mexico for 5 months and is staying another 3. Would she have made that decision if she was in a serious relationship? Maybe. But maybe not. I think of a musician pursuing his love of music and travels a lot. Do you think he would go on all those tours and spend weeks at a time writing somewhere that wasn't home if he wasn't single? Maybe. But maybe not.

And yes, I can think of people who are missionaries in other countries and travel for music as husbands and wives with children. My point is, when we are young and single, we pursue educations and careers and God's purpose for our lives. Some are meant to get married young and others are not. So it's time to quite complaining about being one of the others.

Be who you are. Do what God wants you to do. Make a life for yourself before you make a life with someone else. "If you really love each other you can make a life of your own and a life to share." (Painted Dressed by Patricia Hickman)

In my blog Thinking Right Much Of Thee I added in the lyrics of I Will Come by Greg Sczebel. A few days after that post I noticed the line "And I'll mean it when I say you're my one and only." How romantic is that? I'm not saying you should stop dating. That's totally your own personal decision. I'm telling you that giving your heart away to lots of boys (or girls) leaves less and less for your future spouse.

And I would say, it's not just dating the boys (or girls) it's liking the boys (or girls) too. Sometimes, we put so much of ourselves into a silly little crush, we still lose a piece of our heart.

So. This is your life, are you who you want to be? Are you who God wants you to be? Because if you're not, you've got some work to do my friend. I'll pray for you.

Song of the Moment: This Is Your Life by Switchfoot (Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Song.)

Don't let others look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12

For The Weak Hearted

Sometimes I just want to start over, 'cause everything looks like a wreck
And I need the courage to carry on, 'cause I can't see what's ahead
And there are places I've wished I could be, battles I've wanted to win
Dreams that have slipped through my hands
I may never get back again

But I'm still a dreamer, a believer
Oh, I've lost my faith in so many things, but I still believe in You
'Cause You can make anything new

Sometimes I just wish we could say all the things that are easy to hear
Ignore the injustice we see and explain every unanswered prayer
But I'd rather speak honestly and wear a tattered heart on my sleeve
'Cause in the middle of my broken dreams, redemption is here

And I'm still a dreamer, a believer
Oh, I've lost my faith in so many things, but I still believe in You
'Cause You are the answer, the redeemer
Oh, I've given up on too many things, but I'm not giving up on You
'Cause You can make anything new

I don't have every answer in life
But I'm trusting You one day at a time
'Cause You can make a weak heart stay alive forever
this is where Heaven and Earth collide
I lift my hands and give my life
This is how my weary heart stays alive

Oh, I'm still a dreamer (This is where heaven and earth collide)
(I lift my hands and give my life)
Still a believer (This is how my weary heart stays alive)
Oh, You are the answer (Oh, this is where Heaven and Earth collide)
(I lift my voice and give my life)
The redeemer (This is how my weary heart stays alive, oh)

'Cause You can make anything new
Yeah, You can make anything new

Song of the Moment: The Redeemer by Sanctus Real (I heard it yesterday on the radio for the very first time. I've been listening to it nonstop ever since.)

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12

Thinking Right Much of Thee

A few days ago I was in Niagara falls with two great friends. It was dark and cold and the lightest rain was coming down. We could barely see the falls. We walked and checked out all the Christmas lights still up. By the time the night was finished and we were back at the car we were soaking wet and freezing cold, but it was the most fun I've had in a long time.

On our walk we found the quietest spot you will ever find so close to the falls. It was serenity in its purest form. The three of us separated and found our own place. Our own serenity. As I was standing there, taking it all in, I thought "Someday I will bring you here."

I've had this thought before. I will bring you here. Who is this you you ask? You is my future husband.

Think about it. If God has planned for you to be married at some point in your life, your future spouse is alive. He's walking. He's sleeping. He's working. He's doing something. Doesn't that just blow your mind? It sure blew mine!

I just finished a book called When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. Eric just threw it out there. Your future spouse is alive. What are they doing right now? And even more importantly, what are you doing right now? Is it something you would want to tell this person about? Is it extra baggage you'd like to take into your future marriage?

Crazy right? It blew my brains right out of my head. These little thoughts I've been having for years were really brought to life. And I'm not worried in the least about when he comes. Because I know (God willing) he will come.

I don’t believe we’ve met before
But then again, I guess I can’t be so sure
‘Cause maybe I passed you by
A hundred times today

If ever you might think of me
Know that I’ve been thinking right much of thee
And maybe I’m not in your eyes
But one day I, I will come

I count the stars alone each night
And wonder where you’re sleeping at this very time
I stroll the streets in daydreams of where our love might lead

And every February I will think of you
And practice writing valentines
‘Cause maybe I’m not in your eyes
But one day I, I will come

See what's the hurry? What's the point of being hasty?
Why waken love before it's time?
Why would I give my heart away to strangers?
Instead I'll just wait til you're mine.

I will come like a knight in Arthur’s day
I will sweep your heart away
And I’ll mean it when I say
You’re my one and only
And together we will fly
Sometimes through the blackest nights
Holding on tight for now and forever after

If ever you might think of me
Know that I’ve been thinking right much of thee
And maybe I’m not in your eyes
But one day I, I will come

Song of the Moment: I Will Come by Greg Sczebel (as seen above). I fell in love with this song the moment I first heard it. I can't describe what exactly this song means to me, but it has given me comfort and hope. It's beautiful. You should give it a listen.

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12

Find Out What It Means To Me

I have made the choice to live a pure life. In mind, body and spirit. Yes, I've fallen a lot in this journey, but I keep going. I keep trying to live my life completely for Christ.

I've told a lot of people this. Most people I know know this about me. But usually when it comes up in conversations I get eye rolls, or "you're crazy", or "man are you missing out." I've been called innocent, naive and a prude. I know of people who support me in the decisions I have made, but there are many more against me.

A few weeks ago at school we did an activity called "Fill Up My Bucket." We all had a "bucket" and we passed it around and our classmates would write something positive on it about whoever the bucket belonged to. They're supposed to be little lines that might boost someone's spirit. On my bucket, right in the middle, were the words "I respect you."

You see, a few days before I stood in front of my class and discussed the convictions they knew I had but still knew very little about. And here I was with a bucket full of "You're such a great role model" and "you're so strong." They were all great, but the "I respect you" really got to me.

No one has every told me that before. In all my years of being called crazy, etc. no one has ever told me that they respect me. It hit me hard. Especially since my class is quite the eclectic group. Hearing this from one of them was surprising and wonderful.

In our world of incredibly low standards and following the crowd, I will stand. I will stand up for what I believe in. I will stand up for who I am. I will not be tempted. I will live for the One who saved my life. The One who made it possible for me to be alive today. The only One life is worth living for.

Will you?

P.S. Watch this video I stumbled upon just tonight (thanks L-Dawg). Just think about it. "If sex is just for fun, why does it take such a toll? Maybe it's cause you don't just have sex with a body, you have sex with a soul."

Song of the Moment: More Beautiful You by Jonny Diaz ("There could never be a more beautiful you." And don't you ever forget it.)

Don't let others look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12

Ships

Over the years I've drifted apart from a lot of people. Going from good friends to incredibly awkward meetings at the mall or McDonalds or wherever. A lot of people have come and gone. But to be honest, I've never cared all that much.

Until now. Of all the people I've drifted from, I never thought one would be you. I thought that somehow we would always come back every few months and chat. Fill each other in on some details of our lives naturally. Maybe things have changed. Maybe we're just too busy. Or maybe I've thought wrong all along.

Here is one thing I have learned though: As two people drift apart, two people become closer together. Let me tell you, I've loved coming closer to someone else and I'm sure you have too. But, sometimes, I just miss you.

Song of the Moment: Back When You Were Mine by Lady Antebellum

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believer in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12

This One's For You

Thank you for being wise.
Thank you for bringing me to musicals and helping me fall in love with them.
Thank you for making me smile all the time.
Thank you for playing Bill Cosby, Three Dog Night and Oklahoma! on long car rides over and over and over again.
Thank you for playing music embarassingly loud with the windows rolled down.
Thank you for always knowing someone (even if they don't know you) no matter where we are.
Thank you for your last minute exciting plans.
Thank you for letting me sit on your lap all those years.
Thank you for keeping everything.
Thank you for trying to make everyone laugh all the time.
Thank you for going out of your way to say hello to someone.
Thank you for remembering (what seems like) everything and sharing it with me.
Thank you for bringing me programs late at night after a show is finished.
Thank you for introducing me to Bill Murray and his fantastic movies (like Groundhog Day, What About Bob?, and Meatballs).
Thank you for moving the music around all corners of the car when a good song is on.
Thank you for giving me a sense of humour.
Thank you for ending every text with lyd.
Thank you for everything I couldn't even put in this list because it would be too long.
Thank you for being the best dad I could ever ask for.

That's right. This one's for you dad! Tonight we walked through the people filled lobby and parking lot singing Those Canaan Days without a care and continued in the car for the first 10 minutes of our car ride. But the best part, the absolute best part was when we were listening to Redefined and singing along to Mighty To Save together. What an incredibly beautiful moment. I think I will remember this one forever.

I couldn't ask anything more of you because you've already given me so much. But I know you would still go to the moon and back if I needed you too. Thank you for being you and sharing it all with me.

--lyb

Song of the Moment: Mighty To Save by Redefined (Redefined is a band my brother was in for a year...any other rendition would do, but this was a family affair after all)

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12