Unfolding

Everything is new to me. For some reason everything is changing. I didn't plan on it happening. Not for a long time. I didn't plan on myself breaking like this.You see I keep everything inside. I don't tell people how i feel. I don't let people in easily. I don't think that in the past year and a half...maybe more....i've let anyone in. Which is why this is new to me. I'm finally doing it. And no not completely that's quite a large step and I don't know if I'm ready to take it yet. But this person...this person who I've actually told how i felt when i felt it...must be special.

As I sit here I'm listening to music. The music thats gotten me through it all. The music thats been my only friend for such a long time. The music thats written by complete strangers...yet they still know me better than anyone else.But now my music is coming to life. Its not just fiction. It's starting to come out in my life. One song in particular actually. I'm scared to death by what I've started to do. But i think that i'll make it.

Also...as a side note. To the person whose listening. Thankyou. And I know I've told you this before...but i feel as if it needs to be said a million times. You have no idea what you've done. So again...Thankyou.

Song of the moment: Unfold by Marie Digby...she wrote a biography

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young

1 Timothy 4:12

Music is what feelings sound like

There Is No Room For Doubt

Today i was sitting in Church. It's easter Sunday and I know it's not going to be a good one because i have to work from 3-11. But i wasn't going to think about that stuff then. Not during church. It was time for me to thank and praise Jesus for what he did. I zoned out though just a little. Thinking about my current circumstances and problems. I realised that i had missed the Epistle reading. I looked in my bulletin to see what it was. It was Collosians 3:1-4. Well it's not long at all so i decided to read it for myself. "1Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." hmm. I decided to go back to the very beginning of Collosians.

I was reading and reading and reading. I got caught up in it. And then something else caught my attention. Pastor Winger had said something. "There is no room for doubt." Those were his words. I immediately closed my Bible and started to listen to the rest of the sermon. And while not the rest of the sermon seemed to relate that phrase got me.

You see, lately i've been doubting. I haven't known what to do or how to say it. Until 3 days ago. It was Thursday night. I decided how i felt. No matter if i wanted to deny it or not. I wasn't happy and I knew exactly why. I was mad. And while i didn't want to tell the person I did. And now i feel so much better because i knew if I didn't say what I said things would have happened and i woldn't be able to control it anymore.

So now after hearing that this morning in church. I have a new light on things. I can't allow myself to do things I'm not sure about. I have to figure out what it is I want. And when i figure out what i want I have to pursue it. And i have to stay away from what I don't want. And it's not about what I want. And it's not about what my friends want. And it's not about what my parents want. It's about what God wants for me. God guides along the right path. And what I want is to stay on that path.

Song of the day: Gravity by Sara Bareilles...something always brings me back to you

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young

1 Timoth 4:12